I Didn’t Want to Leave, But I Needed To

Leaving my job wasn’t an easy decision. At first, I didn’t want to leave because I did enjoy my job at times. I had worked in childcare for seven years, and I had been at my old nursery for two years. While I was there, I completed my Level 2 in Childcare. I decided to leave because my boss wasn’t paying me the correct wages. When I realised this, my grandma helped me write an email, and I decided to leave the nursery. I then started looking for a new job. After I got my money back, I received a phone call. They told me that if I completed my Level 3 in Childcare, I would have a placement where I could work. I decided to do it, and I ended up working there for five years. For the first few years, I really loved working there. I had some great colleagues who supported me, including helping me with my reading because I have dyslexia.

Because I was reading a lot for my course and at work, I actually started reading books more, which was something I really enjoyed. I got along well with my boss and my deputy manager. My boss would buy us Christmas presents, and we would also go out for a Christmas dinner together. She helped me with my Level 3, and I will always be grateful to her for that. Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without her because I did have some really difficult times. I also received some really good comments and recognition while I worked at the nursery. One day, I remember something that still makes me smile.

The deputy manager and the third-in-charge were both off. One was on annual leave, another was sick, and the manager had to go to the other nursery because our boss had bought us some small fans for the hot weather. We decided to take the children into the garden because the weather was so hot. One of the members of staff was putting water into a tray when she suddenly decided to drench me with the hose! We were all laughing and ended up having a great water fight. Eventually, we had to go back inside because it was getting too hot to stay outside. We changed the children’s clothes, and after a long day, we had ice cream. It was honestly one of the best days I had there. However, there were also days when I felt like I just couldn’t work there anymore. Sometimes, I would come home crying because I felt so overwhelmed. My grandma would listen to me and support me. A couple of days before I handed in my notice, I went into the nursery and carried on working as normal.

I worked Monday to Friday from 7:45 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. I remember going into my room and starting to set up the toys and activities I wanted the children to do. That day, I printed out some pictures for the children to colour in. I also had some activities that included learning. However, the manager told me she didn’t like what I had planned, so after that, I stopped doing those activities. The next day, the manager was sick, so the deputy manager was in charge. I found the day very stressful. We had 12 children, and because of the ratio, we were allowed two members of staff. However, we had a mixture of preschool and toddler children. We asked for help, but the deputy manager didn’t want to help because she needed to stay in the office. Somehow, we managed to sort everything out. There were also times when the ratios were incorrect because there wasn’t enough staff to cover everything properly. When we  told management that we were out of ratio, they would sometimes wait for an agency member of staff to arrive. There were times when I would sit there and think, “Why am I still in this job?” I didn’t want to leave because I knew I was going to miss everyone. I had made some lovely memories, and there were people there who had supported me and helped me grow.

But I knew I had to do what was best for myself. My boss didn’t want me to leave, but I knew that if I stayed, I wouldn’t be able to do the things I wanted to do with my life. Since leaving, I feel like my confidence has come back. I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did before, and I feel like I can finally start thinking about myself and what makes me happy. My new goal is to find a new job where I will have time to write my new books and start my blog. I also want to get back into my hobbies again, especially reading, and most importantly, I want to be happy. Looking back, I think leaving was the best decision for me. Sometimes, you have to think about yourself and your own happiness. I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I’m telling you this because if you are feeling the same way, I want you to know that you can do anything in this world. You can be confident, and you should never give up on yourself. Just remember to do what makes you happy and follow your heart. I’m going to follow my dreams and stop worrying so much about what other people think. This is a new chapter for me, and I’m excited to see where it takes me.